• Home
  • About
    • About
    • Terms and Conditions + Privacy Policy
  • Press
  • Work With Us
    • Creatives + Brands
    • Interior Design + Decorating
  • Blog
  • Shop
  • Contact

STAY AWHILE

  • Home
  • About
    • About
    • Terms and Conditions + Privacy Policy
  • Press
  • Work With Us
    • Creatives + Brands
    • Interior Design + Decorating
  • Blog
  • Shop
  • Contact

Follow A Hosting Home

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • YouTube

A Hosting Home

Styling and Inspiration + Handcrafted Designs

Baby & Family, Coffee with Cathy

A Letter to Layne on His Due Date

A Letter to Layne on His Due Date / A Hosting Home Blog

Dearest Layne,

I think I’ve shed as many tears this week as the week I lost you. I can’t believe it’s already been three months. To be honest, it feels like it was only just yesterday. I just can’t help but think of you always. There’s not a moment that goes by that I don’t think of you and how much I love and miss you. I often pray that you would know that.

Watching this date creep closer and closer has made me sick to my stomach. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Things are supposed to be so different right now. This month was supposed to be exciting as we prepared for your big arrival. Instead, I have watched my friends have (or get ready to have) their babies this summer. Meanwhile, my heart has ached with each passing day since you went to be with Jesus. Today is the day that your daddy and I marked on our calendars in October as soon as we found out that God was blessing us with you. Whether today would have been your birthday, I don’t know. I can only imagine you’d be like your planner of a momma and want to arrive right on time. Instead, we met you three months ago under circumstances that I never would have imagined.

While your daddy got to see you alive when you were first born, I only got to experience your life through dopplers, ultrasound machines, and late night wiggles.

Until 26 weeks, I went into the doctor’s office just to hear your heartbeat and look at you through a screen. The doctors would all say how strong your heartbeat was and how you looked so healthy. They’d joke how much of a handful you’d be with how much you wiggled. I was already so proud of you. I never thought I’d enjoy being a ‘boy mom’ as much as I did. You had my heart wrapped around your little finger since day 1.

I go by your grave often – typically a few times a week. Sometimes I stand there and talk to you like you can hear me. Other times I stand there and can’t get words to come out of my mouth. Sometimes I just sit there and pray. When they finally installed your marker, I felt like it really sank in that you’re gone. There’s something about seeing your name in stone that made everything feel that much more real. That it’s not all just a bad dream that I can’t seem to wake up from. You’re not here, and you won’t be.

“… I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.” – 2 Samuel 12:23

I often wonder what you’re like. You looked so much like your daddy when you were born. (Although I’m told you have my nose!) But, I often wonder what your personality would have been like. By all your wiggling in my belly, I have a feeling that you would have been wide open just like your daddy. I imagine that you would have been a little firecracker – strong, opinionated, and ready to take on whatever this world threw at you. I also often wonder what you’re up to up there. Not because I doubt that you’re more than okay, but rather that I just wonder what heaven is like. Are you sitting around with the other kids listening to stories of the flood and the parting of the Red Sea from Noah and Moses? Are you running around and playing with the other kids who came Home too soon?

A Letter to Layne on His Due Date / A Hosting Home Blog

Photo: Linda Threadgill Photography

People may not know this, but I love to talk about you.

While it may make me cry, I actually do love to talk about you. Maybe it’s because I’m afraid that people will forget about you. But even more so I think it’s just like any other momma talking about their baby. I love talking about how handsome you are, the things you might have loved, and what I wish I could’ve gotten to do with you. I love getting to have raw conversations with others about how your brief 38 minutes of life has inspired, changed, and is continuing to change the lives of so many people. They tell me how yellow butterflies remind them of you and our story. We talk about how they symbolize and remind me daily of the hope that I have in Jesus. That everything will be okay – really more than okay because of the grace we have through Jesus’s death on the cross. I thank God every day for the good news of the gospel. Not only will it mean I get to spend eternity in heaven with my heavenly Father, but it means that I will get to see you again one day.x

While I wish it didn’t have to happen the way that it did,

God answered my prayer that I made in January. I prayed that in 2019 I would focus on deepening my walk with Jesus. Needless to say, I feel like a completely different person than I was before March 28th, 2019. There has been a lot of pain and a lot of struggle, and there is still a lot of pain and struggle that I know will probably be around for a while. However, I do feel drawn closer to Jesus than ever before. My sweet Layne, what your life and death have given me is the ability to trust God in a way that I never could have experienced otherwise. I have a completely new perspective of life spent on this earth and what truly matters. I’ve also found that there is an indescribable peace that comes from truly, completely, and wholeheartedly handing over each day to Jesus and praying that he’d give me enough strength to survive the next.

The trust I have in God because of you has changed my life.

While the pain of your absence hasn’t gotten any easier, I can rejoice in the fact that you are in heaven with Jesus waiting for me. I still get frustrated and have so many questions that I know I probably won’t know the answers to until I see Him face to face. I’ve cried so many selfish tears as I’ve thought about how much I wish you were here. But why should I want you here in this broken world when you get to be in paradise with Jesus? You got to skip the hard part. Although your life was so short, frankly, you’re doing so much better than the rest of us.

Layne, you are one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I never knew how much I could love another person before I held you in my arms. I also had no idea how much I could miss and long for another person until you passed away. Being your momma has changed my life in more ways than I could ever express. I thank God every day that He chose me of all people to carry you, love you, and deliver you into this world – although your time here was short. For the rest of the days in my life, you will never be forgotten.

Happy due date, sweet boy. Momma loves and misses you big.

Love, Momma

A Letter to My Baby on His Due Date / A Hosting Home Blog

If you’re someone who’s walked a similar road and you’re looking for hope and comfort, I wish I could give you a hug. I’d invite you into my living room and share a cup of coffee with you. Over that cup of coffee, I’d laugh with you at my crazy dogs and cry raw tears with you for your pain. But, most importantly, I’d tell you how much Jesus loves you. How this isn’t it for you. This isn’t it for me. God is going to use this for His glory.

READ ALSO: Life Lately | No. 07 – Layne Thomas’s Birth Story

June 30, 2019

« Casual Summer Tablescape Inspiration
The Best Summer Party Cookout Recipes (Round-Up) »

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE

  • Our Drive By Baby Shower / A Hosting Home BlogOur Drive By Baby Shower!
  • Baby #3 Second Trimester Bumpdate / A Hosting Home BlogBaby #3: First Half & Second Trimester ‘Bumpdate’ (14 to 18 weeks)
  • Neutral Baby Boy Nursery Design Inspiration / A Hosting Home BlogBaby Boy Nursery Design Inspiration
  • What God is Teaching Me Through My Garden // A Hosting Home BlogWhat God is Teaching Me Through My Garden

Comments

  1. Mary ann massingale says

    June 30, 2019 at 2:18 pm

    CAthy, i caN’t describe how you and Rob haS touched Us. I Pray for God to keep you both Strong and put hiS HEALING arms & hands around you to help you both through your loss. We love you and praying for God to Give you peace. God Bless

    Reply
  2. Rene Wimmer says

    July 2, 2019 at 2:18 pm

    Cathy,
    I only know you through your Mom and my wife being connected but your story has been so inspiring to me and to others I’m certain. God uses all of us in ways that we can’t even comprehend to open the eyes and hearts of others to who he is.
    He has given you such a special talent to share your story in such a sweet and heartfelt way that shows how the love of god, through his son jesus, can heal the most broken of the brokenhearted in ways again, that we can’t comprehend.
    Layne will live forever in your heart and those of your family and you are helping him live also in the hearts of those who read your story. Like you said, this is god’s story to be used for his glory.
    My birthday is June 30 and I’ll always remember layne as i celebrate each year.
    God bless you and your family!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Atlanta based Award Winning Interior and Event Designer and Home Blogger Cathy Nugent

Hi, friends! I'm Cathy, a nationally published award winning designer of spaces to gather and southern belle writer based out of a small(ish) town outside of Atlanta, Georgia. However, most people know me as the Monica Geller of my friend group – a coffee connoisseur and dog mom with a huge heart for hosting and an eye for design. The heart behind what I do is simple. I want to help you be intentional on creating spaces to gather and celebrating life's precious moments - whether that be weddings, parties, or something as simple as having loved ones in your home. Living Simply, Loving Generously, and Hosting with Heart.

Follow A Hosting Home

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING?

CATEGORIES

ARCHIVES

POPULAR POSTS

DIY Easter Keepsake Craft Ideas / A Hosting Home Blog

DIY Easter Keepsake Craft Ideas

April 2, 2021

How To Make a Design Board (for free!) / A Hosting Home Blog

How To Create a Design Board (for free!)

February 20, 2021

Chalk Paint China Cabinet Makeover with Wallpaper / A Hosting Home Blog

Using Rub n Buff to Update Antique Hardware

February 3, 2021

Chalk Paint China Cabinet Makeover with Wallpaper / A Hosting Home Blog

Chalk Paint China Cabinet Makeover with Wallpaper

January 24, 2021

DIY Salt Dough Keepsake Ornaments / A Hosting Home Blog

DIY Salt Dough Keepsake Ornaments

December 15, 2020


I’m not going to mind doing dishes with a pretty I’m not going to mind doing dishes with a pretty view like this. ✨💛 I hung these DARLING cafe curtains in my kitchen today, and I can’t get enough of the gold details with the rod, rings, and medallions. I still need to install cabinet hardware, but I’m really loving how everything is coming together in our new house. I’m feeling so inspired with embracing new styles and I hope you are too following along!  #ahostinghome 

Shared a closer look on stories today! Shop via @shop.ltk ➡️ https://liketk.it/3Futt #liketkit #shopltk #ltkhome

•
•
•
•
•
#interiordesign #homedecor #homedesign #kitchendesign #kitchen #whitekitchen #whitekitchencabinets #traditionalhome #traditionalhomedecor #modernfarmhouse #modernfarmhousestyle #modernfarmhousekitchen #modernfarmhousedecor #modernfarmhousedesign #transitionaldesign #transitionaldecor #transitionalstyle #interiordesignstyles #bhg #bhghome #bhgstyle #bhgstylemaker #bhglivebetter
Building raised garden beds and planting with a to Building raised garden beds and planting with a toddler who just wanted to  dig and bury tools and throw dirt everywhere was as about as chaotic as you could imagine. (Forget wood for a second, have you seen how expensive DIRT is this year?! 🤦🏼‍♀️) Rob built me raised beds at our old house after Layne passed away and learning to garden became such a labor of love for me. We really missed having a garden last summer after we sold our old house and moved into the rental, so we were so excited to get started and plan another set of raised beds for this year for the new house. It’s a start — and we can’t wait to expand this little garden area even more as we go. 💛🪴 Are you excited for your garden this year? What are you growing?! #ahostinghome 

#raisedbeds #raisedgardenbeds #raisedbedgarden #raisedgarden #raisedbedgardening #gardening #backyardgarden #bhghome #mybhg #bhglivebetter
Can I just say that if you’ve been on the fence Can I just say that if you’ve been on the fence about a bold design decision… to just do it! After I shared the black living room wall, I had a few friends tell me they wanted to do the same in other spaces in their home and they chickened out. Especially when it comes to paint, I say just go for it! Paint is one of the easiest ways to completely transform the look and feel of your home. It’s only paint — and that’s the beauty of it! If you hate it you can always paint it back. So instead of asking what if you hate it, ask yourself what if you LOVE it?! 🖤👏🏼 #ahostinghome 

// shop via @shop.ltk ➡️ https://liketk.it/3EXef

// Color Details: Tricorn Black by @sherwinwilliams mixed in eggshell/satin in the Duration line // Walls are Extra White by #sherwinwilliamspaint 

#tricornblack #sherwinwilliams #sherwinwilliamstricornblack #sherwinwilliamsextrawhite #blackaccentwall #blackwall #accentwall #interiordesign #interiordesigner #interiordesignideas #homedecor #homedesign #homedesignideas #traditionalhome #traditionalhomedecor #transitionaldesign #homestyling #transitionaldecor #transitionalstyle #bhg #bhghome #bhgstyle #bhgstylemaker #bhglivebetter #mybhg #bhgcolor #swcolorlove
About the only thing I managed to get done this we About the only thing I managed to get done this weekend with a sick toddler was the little gallery wall in our dining room. I found these wireless battery operated gold gallery lights on Amazon and they are AMAZING. Comes in 3 colors, under $35, and super easy to install. I love how it just added a little something and made it look more high end. 😍👏🏼 #ahostinghome 

// shop via @shop.ltk here ➡️ https://liketk.it/3Ep2B

tags // #homedecor #homedesign #interiordesign #gallerywall #traditionalhome #traditionalhomedecor #transitionaldesign #transitionalstyle #transitionaldecor #diningroom #diningroomdecor #diningroomdesign #ltkhome #bhg #bhghome #bhgstyle #bhgstylemaker #bhglivebetter
My living room took a complete transformation this My living room took a complete transformation this evening — and I’m so in love! (You really didn’t think I’d part with these floral curtains did you?! 🤪) I always talk about the power of paint… but there’s also so much power in drapery, friends! I love how cozy they make our new home feel and how it just feels like “us” now with them up. ❤️ #ahostinghome
•
•
•
•
•
#interiordesign #interiordesignideas #interiorstyling #livingroomdecor #livingroom #traditionaldecor #transitionaldesign #transitionaldecor #transitionalstyle #traditionalhome #homedecor #homedesign #floralcurtains #livingroominspiration #livingroomideas #modernfarmhouse #modernfarmhousestyle #modernfarmhousedecor #bhghome #bhgstyle #bhgstylemaker #bhg
✨ Progress ✨ I’m so excited to finally be at ✨ Progress ✨ I’m so excited to finally be at the point of unpacking that I can start decorating a little bit! What do you think of the vibe in here so far? Hoping to get the kitchen cabinet hardware on this weekend! #ahostinghome 

p.s. I’ve also got big plans to refinish these table and chairs soon! 😍

•
•
•
•
•
#interiordesign #homedecor #homedesign #kitchendesign #kitchen #whitekitchen #whitekitchencabinets #traditionalhome #traditionalhomedecor #modernfarmhouse #modernfarmhousestyle #modernfarmhousekitchen #modernfarmhousedecor #modernfarmhousedesign #transitionaldesign #transitionaldecor #transitionalstyle #interiordesignstyles
After all the rain, we finally got the wire backin After all the rain, we finally got the wire backing, our gates done, and the fence finished this week! 😍 We had a fencing company local to us do it, and they did an amazing job. We had a fence like this at our old house, and we loved how open it made our back yard feel while still keeping the dogs in. With the dogs, the fence was project priority No. 1 after we moved in — and I must say, I’m so glad I won’t have to embarrass myself chasing a puppy around the house with a toddler on my hip in my slippers anymore! 🤪 Are you team privacy fence or team 5 row fence? 🏡 #ahostinghome
•
•
•
•
•
#farmhousefence #blackfence #fiverowfence #5rowfence #blackfarmhousefence #farmfence #modernfarmhouseexterior #modernfarmhousebuild #farmhouseexterior #farmhousebuild #houseexterior #homeexterior #whiteandblackhouse #blackandwhitehouse #blackandwhitehome #homedecor #homedesign #georgiahomes #exteriordesign #exteriorpainting #exteriorpaint
It’s been a long time coming, y’all… We clo It’s been a long time coming, y’all… 
We closed on our new house last week! It has been a crazy past few days getting moved in and the essentials set up/ unpacked, but we are so excited for the new adventure! We’ve already got so many plans and ideas, and I can’t wait to completely transform this home! 😍 I hope you’re just as excited to follow along! #ahostinghome
The power of paint (and shutters!) Adding black sh The power of paint (and shutters!) Adding black shutters and a black door completely transformed the look of our house and made the exterior POP! 😍 We’re getting SO close, y’all. We’ve got just a little finish work left inside for them to wrap up, and we have our final walk through next week! #ahostinghome 

Exterior Paint Colors—
- Siding: Extra White by @sherwinwilliams 
- Shutters & Door: Iron Ore by #sherwinwilliams 
- Cedar wood columns

#newbuild #newbuildhome #newbuildjourney #newbuildprogress #newhomeconstruction #newhome #houseprogress #homeprogress #extrawhitesherwinwilliams #ironoresherwinwilliams

CATEGORIES

 

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING?

Follow A Hosting Home

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • YouTube